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Turtle Tales
by Carol Breidenbach
It was the best and worst of times
29 May 2001
Your life can get in a real mess without you even realizing it. About ten years ago, my life was really out of control. I was selling real estate full time to finance the college education of my two eldest children and struggling with a rebellious teenager. Trying to keep up with my house and volunteer activities added to the melee. My husband was on special assignment with his job and so most of the family responsibility fell to me. As if that wasn't enough, I was also going to school part-time to get my real estate broker's license.
I remember being really tired and dreaming of a time I could retire and finally have some fun. I should have realized how crazy that was given the fact that I was only 44-years-old and most people retire around 65. Waiting twenty-one years for a life, what was I thinking?
Then one morning as I was applying deodorant, I noticed in the mirror that the shape of my left breast changed when I lifted my arm. Upon further examination, I discovered a lump. My doctor decided to move my annual mammogram up a few months just to be safe. From there, I was referred to a surgeon. He examined me and immediately told me that he was 95 percent sure I had cancer. It had grown considerably since the mammogram and time was of the essence. I was scheduled for further medical testing immediately and had a modified radical mastectomy the following week.
The cancer was a very aggressive type, and had spread to the lymph system in two different directions. My surgeon was not very encouraging about my prognosis. He felt that I would experience a reoccurrence in two and one half to three years. Usually a fighter, I felt defeated. I laid in that hospital bed for five days and didn't do anything, not even combing my hair. On the fifth day, I cried and I realized how bad I wanted to live. I asked the Lord to let me live to be 50 and to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary with my husband, Lenny. Later I realized that I should have asked for more years, but 50 seemed like a lot when you are 44 and not given a lot of hope.
When I was born, I was delivered by a Dr. Harry Miller. The surgeons name was Dr. Harry Miller and I took that as a good omen. If God had used a Dr. Harry Miller to bring me into this world, maybe he would use one to keep me here.
My friends at the public library equipped me with books to research the latest and best treatment options and to help me build a positive mental attitude. I used positive imaging and listened to a healing meditation tape. The fight had begun.
Cancer showed me how much people loved and cared about me. I took the chemotherapy that at the time was considered experimental. During part of that time I was so sick I couldn't stand by myself and wanted to quit. My husband held me, washed my face and encouraged me to keep fighting. Without him, I would have quit. Lenny, who never cooked or peeled a potato, made homemade potato soup when that the only thing sounded good to me.
My son Chip, a freshman in college came home every weekend that Lenny had to work and took care of me after my treatments. I never asked him to do that, he just volunteered. Friends volunteered to drive me to treatments, visited and took me out to lunch when I was able to go. The people in my little country church were supportive and at times, I could actually feel their prayers.
My daughter Angela took me shopping for a wig, some hats and a prosthesis. She always dropped me off at the door, carried all the packages and picked me up at the door. I really wore that girl out. She was at school in Cleveland, but it was important for her to get home once in a while and check on mom.
The Chinese word for crisis is written with two brush strokes. The first stands for danger and the second for opportunity. Having cancer gave me a second chance at life. I decided to have fun long before I retired, just in case I didn't live that long. I took a leave of absence from my job to recuperate and started sewing and gardening again.
I also realized that I didn't have to be responsible for everything. While the loss of my income was a struggle, our children qualified for a grant toward tuition and took out student loans for one semester. We got an income tax refund that year because of my medical bills.
I did get to live to celebrate our wedding anniversary and what a celebration it was! People are still talking about that party! My birthday has come and gone. When I reached three years as a survivor, my surgeon told me that I had surprised him and that since I made it past three years, I had a good chance to make it long term. Having cancer has taught me to cherish life and the people I love and what is important. I still slip sometimes and get too busy, but I catch myself sooner now and get back on track. Having cancer was one of the worst things that ever happened to me and one of the best.
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