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Turtle Tales
by Carol Breidenbach
He's not my father, but I bought him a gift
19 June 2001
One of the things that attracted me to my husband Lenny was that I sensed he would be a really good father. He always had a natural calmness and kind of wisdom that was invaluable in raising children. When we first brought our firstborn, Angela, home from the hospital, I wanted to sit at her bedside 24 hours a day and make sure she was okay. He gently persuaded me that wasn't necessary.
When she was fussy, he could calm her with his voice. He used to wake her up and play with her when he came home from work. When I protested, he said that when the father gets home, it's time for the baby to be awake. She used to go through withdrawal on Monday because he played with her all weekend.
When our son Chip came along it was very important to Lenny to teach him to do the kinds of things he wished he had learned when he was growing up. I remember coming home one Saturday morning and discovering four-year-old Chip under the car helping his dad change oil. When I inquired as to the safety of this, Lenny assured me that he might get a little dirty, but it was safe.
Chip fondly remembers those projects. There wasn't anything his dad was afraid to tackle. They had a set of "Popular Mechanics Do-It-Yourself Encyclopedias" and that was the starting point for many of their projects. When they got stuck or something did not work, Lenny never gave up until they accomplished the task.
In some ways he was the more lenient parent. At one point in time when I went back to school, I posted job lists and tried to get him to back me up. Instead, when I left for school, they went water skiing. It was a perfect time to ski because mom wasn't around to suggest they slow down. They could go down that river as fast as they wanted. Years later after they had all left home, he confessed that he probably should have backed me up on those chores.
He was always the one who said yes to the pets we accumulated. Angela was allergic to almost all animals except sheep, so she got a pet lamb. He built a pen and helped her learn to care for it. That led to 4-H projects raising market lambs. Even though he didn't have a farm background, he helped them learn how to groom them and show them at the fair. They still laugh about the time he was between pick-up trucks and he hauled their sheep in a big box in the family van. They went through Wendy's drive-thru and the sheep's baaing caught the attention of the drive-thru staff.
He had a favorite ritual with our children. Once or twice a month on Saturday they would pile in dad's pick-up truck and make a trip to the county dump. This was a very interesting place for all of them back in the days when you drove in and unloaded your own stuff. After that, they stopped at a little family restaurant and had treats.
He sometimes acted a little gruff around the kids' friends and I never could figure that out since he was such a kind person. His explanation was that he did that so if our kids needed a way out of peer pressure, they could always say no because their father would kill them. They said that indeed that worked.
He was always extremely generous when it came to anything the kids needed. He never complained about the cost of music lessons, clothes, speech therapy, or gymnastics, but let somebody get a ten cent library fine and he ranted about the necessity of returning books on time. I never figured that one out.
Our daughter Lisa said her dad was always very easy to talk to about things and didn't criticize a lot. She doesn't remember one major thing, just lots of consistent small things that mounted to more than one big thing. He always helped with dishes and homework.
There is a popular saying that goes like this, "The best thing you can do for your children is love their mother." Lenny has always done that. Not that we haven't had serious problems and struggles over the years, but there was always enough love and commitment to carry us through.
He was never too proud to learn from his own children. When he switched jobs the last time, Angela was working in the benefits department of her company and he called for advice as to what benefit package to choose. He always takes Chip with him when he buys a car because he values his advice.
One important task of parenting is letting go and he has handled that task well. He has the ability to be silent when those less wise would offer unsolicited advice. I am sure it was hard for him when he walked Angela down the aisle, hugged her and put her hand in Robert's, but he did it with grace, love and style. He needn't have worried, she chose well, she had a good example of what to look for in a mate.
I bought him a gift for Father's day because his being a good father to our children has been one of the real joys and gifts in my life.
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